thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
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Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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