I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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