hotel room ftw
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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