Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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