nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
