im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
