dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
