Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
