sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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