My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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