she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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