I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
