i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so let's talk penis.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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