you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
