you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
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Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
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I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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