I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
