As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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