You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
