i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Panties = found
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
