i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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