You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
