Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
