Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
