my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
