I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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