I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
