Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
