Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
