youre lurking in front of me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
