Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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