He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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