Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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