My room smells like vodka and shame
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Randomize
