Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
