maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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