KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
