does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
