apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
