Already got asked if we're dating
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
