I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
