Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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