They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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