also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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