I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
