I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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