im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
