We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
After tacos, we're chasing women.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize