i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
