its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
