he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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