Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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