grandma shit on top of the toilet
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
