I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
