All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
