Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
