yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
