Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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