know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
