Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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