he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
