guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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