All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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