no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I've blown a few things in my day
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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