New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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