even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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