why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His hands were made for my vagina.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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