before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
