You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize