I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
