and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
