i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
