well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
